3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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