well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
