If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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