You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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