it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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