he thought i was a dude.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize