it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
