I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
