I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
