She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
