he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
