Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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