The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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