i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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