everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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