I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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