she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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