I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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