i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
