Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize