the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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