im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
