my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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