coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
