They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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