her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
