God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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