I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
