I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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