I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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