The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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