the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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