just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
