Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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