I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
