random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
