You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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