he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
