saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
