Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
