1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
