i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Boobs are out for the taking
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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