We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize