i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
