I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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