we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
