either way he was missing a nipple.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
