cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Randomize
