dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
