Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
