that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
