I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
