So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
