and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
