its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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