Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
