He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
