before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
