Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
