my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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