I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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