Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
