oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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