as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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