some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
