Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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