Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
