the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
