yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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