now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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