Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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