i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
