It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
