My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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