A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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