you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
