new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize